Suburban Singles Scene

All Good Things...

2008-04-25T15:41:00.004-04:00

...must come to an end.

I am sorry to let you all know that this will be my last post. The magazine has decided to discontinue this feature, including the blog, column, and events. I apologize for any disappointment or inconvenience. It has been such a fun and rewarding year getting to know you all. I hope to run into you at some of our favorite local watering holes.

If you are looking for a good group in which to find support during a time personal crisis, I recommend Changing Focus. They meet in a few different locations and times and have a great social network. Also Singles on Sailboats sounds like a fun way to get out there and do something good for yourself while meeting other singles.

Best wishes to you all.
Fondly,
Ann

Dances & Contests

2008-04-21T10:42:00.004-04:00

We had fun at the LA Singles dance last Friday. It was good to see several familiar faces plus many new people learning about the Suburban Singles Scene. As usual, the dance hall was crowded and the dance floor was full. I tried my first Paul Jones dance, which was a fun way to meet new dance partners. Ladies, there are many men at this singles venue. The age range at the LA Singles dance is wide, probably swinging from 30-70 with the bulk between 45-65. Although there are many trained dancers on the floor, there are just am many untrained, freestyle dancers like me.

Thanks to Enar Sanders for arranging for the discount at the door and the table for us. This dance is held every Friday night. If you haven't checked it out yet, put it on your to do list for this spring.

* * * * * * *

I'd like to remind you all of the Blind Date Contest running this month. Applications are still being accepted. You will see a link on the sidebar for details. I have been sorting through the applications received so far and am thinking we may need to double the opportunities. I will let you know what I can arrange.

* * * *

Since Mike & Ava have temporarily bowed out of the Mystery Barstool Contest, this month's barstool has not yet been identified. JohnJM has made two good guesses, and has been close, but not quite right. Anyone else want to try? This would be an excellent week to receive this prize! Here it is again.

Modern Marriage

2008-04-16T15:15:00.003-04:00

A friend sent me the link below from an old coffee ad. Boy have we come far in our modern marriages - or have we? What irks you most about this video clip?

Dance this Friday night

2008-04-15T11:04:00.003-04:00

Who is going to join us at the LA Singles Dance at the Knights of Columbus this Friday? LA Singles is a long-standing singles dance non-profit organization. Although there are some great dancers at this venue, there is opportunity for every dance level. Lots of open dance partners available.

We're going to have a table near the door. LA Singles opens their doors 8:15. The DJ usually starts by 8:30. I won't get there until 9pm. Look for our table and stop by and say hello. If you haven't signed up for the e-mail reminder list and the Suburban Scene weekly e-newsletter, be sure to sign our list.

If you say you are with Suburban Scene, you will get a dollar off your entry fee! There is a cash bar and free pretzels & chips.

I need to work on some of my line dances and this place is full of helpful guides. I'm looking forward to a fun night. Wear your good dancing shoes!

Mystery Barstool Contest

2008-04-11T16:35:00.005-04:00

Here's one that is sure to be a challenge. Have I stumped you this time?

In a gesture of gentlemanly sportsmanship, Lucky Mike is bowing out of the competition. We're going to establish a new rule to the contest: you can only win once every six months.

So to win the Mystery Barstool Contest, you have to be the first commenter who correctly identifies the public establishment that is home to this barstool. (Sorry Mike, Ava, Precarious Girl. Money Girl can get back in the game though.)

Kissing in Doorways

2008-04-09T10:22:00.004-04:00

The Baltimore-Washington Parkway is about to be in leaf, and on this misty spring morning, it looked beautiful. I hope all my friends who moved away from here have such pretty drives in their new clime. I didn’t even make any mobile phone calls, so I could enjoy the pretty ride home from a magazine assignment up in the Baltimore suburbs.

The B-W Parkway is so pretty, in part because of the preserved land on the sides. You can look beyond the shoulders and see streams and forest. It gives you a glimpse of what this town looked like before we were so civilized. I’m always happy to see land we haven’t paved over yet.

I was listening to music on this pretty drive and was prompted to think about the times I have kissed someone in a doorway. When I was 15, a farm boy I dated kissed me good night on my parents’ front porch. I leaned back against the house and rang the door bell.

Other times I have been the one going away. Sometimes I am the one going inside. I love when you both go inside together - or away together.

I think kissing in doorways implies a change. Do you remember who you have kissed in a doorway? Did the direction to which each of you parted describe something about your relationship? Which kisses stand out the brightest in your memory: the parting kisses or the greeting kisses?

Blogaversary

2008-04-07T23:08:00.003-04:00

I let my one year anniversary of this blog slip by. My first post was March 14th of 2007. This is my 109th post, so I let that mile marker slip by too. But I am going to catch the one year anniversary of my print column. I am about to turn in my 12th column. The first one ran in May of 2007. (We only print 11 issues a year, combining July & August into one edition.)

Some of you are new readers of the blog and column. Some of you have been with me for a while. In this first year, this endeavor evolved to include events hosted by local businesses for singles. I have met hundreds of local singles.

My goal with this blog-column combo is to offer some no-strings-attached support to people adapting to living an unmarried life for a variety of reasons. Whether or not your single status is deliberate and welcome, or an emotional upheaval, I want to encourage you to find peace, and maybe even happiness in your current status. I want to encourage you to expand your experiences and meet new people, whether or not they are your soul mates or true loves. I want you to know you are not all alone.

I have tried to create some fun and even daring possibilities for you with the monthly Mystery Barstool Contest and our latest project, a Blind Date Contest.

Many of you have shared ideas for events and topics for discussion. I have tried to include these when at all possible.

What have you enjoyed about the column, the blog, and the events? What ideas would you like to see me incorporate?

Physical Fitness

2008-04-03T09:40:00.003-04:00

We've had many conversations shoring up each other's emotional well being, but today I'd like to talk about your physical well being. What do you do to keep in shape? Have you ever begun an interesting relationship while working out? The time you have to exercise depends greatly on the age and number of children you have. Do you consider time spent playing with your kids as exercise?

When I get a bit of unscheduled time, I often try to take a walk with a friend. It allows me to catch up on a relationship while improving my health. Don't get me wrong, I love to go out for sushi and saketinis, but sometimes a long walk is a healthier choice. Warm weather helps too.

I have walked around the fields around my son's lacrosse practice or during my daughter's dance lessons on occasion. I try to get to yoga, but my evening schedule is often interrupted.

Do you feel your fitness level is more important because you are single? First impressions are critical. No matter how enlightened we think we may be, we do care what someone looks like to an extent. Fitness shows how we value ourselves. I'd like this body to last for three or four more decades too, so I need to do what I can to increase my mileage.

Aside from working out, what else do you do to be healthy?
Does playing Guitar Hero count as exercise?

April Print Edition

2008-04-02T11:09:00.003-04:00

Have you seen the April issue of the print edition of Suburban Scene magazine? A bunch of the great chatter about pets made it into my column. Thanks! I'm hoping to see some new folks joining our conversation about next month's topic: fitness.

I wrote two other articles in this month's edition. One was on Fidos for Freedom, a wonderful non-profit group that trains service dogs. If you love dogs and have some free time you are looking to use for a noble cause, this is the group for you.

Also, I wrote an article about a singles group based in Annapolis, but reaching all around the Bay called Singles on Sailboats. Did you see it? What a fun group! You don't have to have any sailing experience or a boat, just a desire to learn. They give you training and you get to participate on as many of the 31 planned sails as you can. Be sure to let me know if you try them out. It seems like a wonderful way to make the most of your Maryland experience while meeting singles that you might not encounter otherwise.

Be sure to notice the Community Choice Awards ballot on page 8. Let's be sure to support our corporate sponsors. Check out my sidebar listing for hints.

Trivia Contest from March Madness Mixer

2008-04-01T16:40:00.003-04:00

In the excitement of the mixer, I never really announced the answers to the Trivia Contests. Sorry about that. Next time, I'll have a microphone.

Here are the questions. I'll post the answers in the comments section if you want to test yourself. We had two categories of questions for our March Madness Mixer:NCAA basketball playoffs, and "Madness."

1. In 2007, which state sent three schools to the NCAA Sweet Sixteen?

2. In 2007 who played Florida for the championship game?

3. In March Madness 2006, what college had both Men's and Women's teams in the Final Four?

4. In March Madness 2006, who upset North Carolina in the second round?

5. In March Madness 2005, who did North Carolina beat in the elite eight to advance to the final four?

6. Which #1 seed was the only #1 seed to make it to the Final Four in 2004?

7. Who was NOT in the first of the Hannibal Lechter trilogy? Sir Anthony Hopkins, Julianne Moore, Scott Glenn or Jodie Foster?

8. In the movie Psycho, where in Arizona does the movie begin? Phoenix, Flagstaff, or Tucson?

9. Along with Alice and the Mad Hatter, what other character of the book attended the tea party in Alice of Wonderland: Queen of Hearts, the Mock Turtle, the March Hare, or the Cheshire-Cat?

10. What singer’s concert tour in the late 1970’s was titled Divine Madness? Barbara Streisand, Bette Midler, Diana Ross, or Aretha Franklin?

11. In the 1960’s star-powered film “It’s a Mad, Mad, Mad, Mad World”, which movie star played the police sergeant in charge of the treasure hunt investigation? Micky Rooney, Sid Ceasar, Milton Berle, or Spencer Tracy?

12. Who starred in the low-budget 1979 Austalian film “Mad Max”?

Picture of Lisa B. winning a door prize at the Mixer last Thursday.

Fun Night

2008-03-28T10:42:00.003-04:00

We sure had fun at the mixer at Ledo's last night. About 50 local singles turned out to enjoy the game, pizza, and beer. I was happy to see some familiar faces and a bunch of new ones. That's one of the great things about singles events: the collection of people is constantly changing. You never know who you are going to meet. You certainly increase your chances of meeting someone new by getting out of your routine. So thank you to all of you who came out and had some fun. Everyone was a good sport about the nametags and our Madness Matching game. I'd like to thank the owners of Ledo Pizza in Crofton as well as the Hops & Vines owners who poured our beer tasting. Our waitresses, Colleen, Beth, & Megan, also did a wonderful job.

The Trivia Contest turned out to be a bigger challenge than I anticipated. But the highest scorers all won door prizes to make up for their frustration. I promise the next contest will be more achievable. I thought it was hard because I'm not a big basketball fan. Everyone did better on the Madness section of the quiz.

The Matching Game was a way to get people talking to each other in order to guess who was on their back and who their match was. Almost all of the pairs were actors and the mad character they portrayed. A harder match than we anticipated was Jack Nicholson's character from "The Shining." Does anyone remember the name of his character? How about the pscho femme fatale played by Glenn Close in "Fatal Attraction"?

If you are just joining our blog conversation after last night's event, we all welcome you and invite you to share your comments. Stay tuned for updates on local single events, contests, and enjoyable conversation with local singles who get it.

March Madness Mixer Tomorrow!

2008-03-26T11:25:00.002-04:00

I hope you are all making plans to attend our March Madness Mixer at Ledo Pizza in Crofton tomorrow from 6-9:30. The restaurant is in the plaza on the South side of Rte 3 behind the Dunkin Donuts. We are expecting a crowd, so carpool if you can.

The beer tasting, sponsored by Hops & Vines, will be from 6:30-8:30. I'm planning on ordering my dinner there, since Ledo's is giving us 25% off our bill. I love Ledo Pizza, but they have healthier choices on the menu if you are not throwing your diet to the wind like I plan to do.

We have a challenging trivia contest that has an interactive component for those of you who are feeling a brave enough to play along. It will be fun.

So do you collaborate with a friend on what to wear when you are going out? I imagine women do this more than men. Do men ever ask a friend what they are wearing? But it is a casual, beer & pizza event, so jeans are in order. I'm sure everyone will be looking fine with all the fine singles in attendance.

I'm looking forward to meeting some of the folks I've been e-mailing with, especially our blind date contestants. I won't point out who has applied, but it will be easier for me to find select a compatible date once I've met you.

See you tomorrow!

Exes

2008-03-24T08:47:00.003-04:00

When you have been single for years in one location, you increase your chances of running into an ex in town. "Exes" might be too strong of a word because it implies there was a relationship that ended. Sometimes, it might be an attempted relationship that never got very far off the ground. For me, the likelihood of running into such a person is inversely proportionate to the amount of effort I have put into my appearance. True for you?

Once, I was cramming a slice of pizza into my mouth at a stoplight on a rush to a story I was covering. I heard a beep from the next car and looked over to see an old boyfriend waving at me. perfect.

But the awkwardness factor depends more on the manner in which the relationship ended. Was this person an embarrassing one night stand? How honest were you? How mutual was the break up? How often do you see each other? Where are you running into this person, and who are you with at the time? Do you avoid certain locations or events so that you don't run into someone?

Based on some of those awkward moments, have you developed rules for yourself - Like no dating co-workers, or only in Las Vegas? No eating at stop lights. No flirting at church. No giving out of phone numbers after two margaritas. No sweatpants at the grocery store.

What are your self-imposed rules? What have you learned from your most awkward moments?

Profiles Anyone?

2008-03-21T14:49:00.002-04:00

I am always curious about my readers and commenters. If you ever have a few minutes to spare between tasks at your computer, I'd love it if you added some details to your profiles. You get a profile when you register to comment. You can start your own blog, or just list your favorite music or interests. One of my favorite features is the random question, which you can keep changing until you find one you'd like to answer. You can still remain anonymous. You can arrange for an e-mail link or not. I keep peaking to see if you have revealed anything for us to ponder.

Speaking of Barstools

2008-03-17T11:05:00.003-04:00

I have been tasked with writing an article for Suburban Scene's upcoming Crofton Community Guide about the top ten places in the Crofton area to meet singles. I have some ideas, but would like to hear what you all think. Where do you like to go to meet new single people? Where do you and your single friends like to hang out? Why do you like those places?

Mystery Barstool Contest

2008-03-16T13:20:00.004-04:00

The March installment of the area's most fun contest is here. Anyone recognize this barstool? I look forward to awarding the winner a $25 gift certificate at the March Madness Mixer in less than two weeks. All you have to do is be the first commenter to correctly identify the home of this barstool.
Good luck!

How do you feel about nametags?

2008-03-12T08:52:00.003-04:00

I am planning some of the details for our March Madness Mixer coming up in just a couple of weeks on Thursday the 27th at the Crofton Ledo's from 6-9:30pm. Have you been in that restaurant? They are giving us that back area, that is almost a separate room. I've been getting lots of inquiries, so I'm expecting a big crowd. I think we'll set a new record. You might want to carpool.

Anyway, I was wondering how you feel about wearing nametags. I know that I often feel rebellious and don't want to wear them, although I have been bailed out more than once by a person's nametag. When you are meeting lots of people, and especially if you are a little bit nervous, they can be a saving grace. I think I will have them available as an option. Of course I can't make anyone wear them. I'm not your mom.

And while we're at it, how do you feel about mixer type games? Anything about those that you love or hate? I was thinking about a kind of matching game.

Print Magazine

2008-03-06T20:37:00.003-05:00

Thanks for all the great chatter on the pets topic. You practically wrote my column for the April edition for me. Watch for your quotes! May will be about fitness, so that conversation is coming your way soon.

Did you see the March edition? On the page right before my column is an article I wrote about Jerry's Seafood. Wow was that a delicious assignment!

Right beside my column is the CarterWorx guest column by the contractors I've used inside and out of my home. Beautiful work this company does.

Did you see that our Community Choice ballots are coming next month? Start thinking about your favorite businesses in this community. There is also a new Reader Recruitment Program listed inside the back cover that could be rewarding.

A few announcements...

2008-03-05T16:12:00.004-05:00

Here are a few fun opportunities to meet new people locally:

CO-ED ADULT FOOTBALL LEAGUE ANNOUNCES SPRING SIGN-UPS
The co-ed adult Football League of Bowie (FLOB) announces its spring 2008 season. Games will be held on Saturdays at Foxhill Park in Bowie during April, May, and June. FLOB is a two-hand touch, no tackling football league. To sign-up individually or with a team, a happy hour will be held on Friday, March 7, 2008 from 6 to 9 p.m. at Glory Days Grill in Bowie.

For more information about FLOB, please contact the league via e-mail at footballbowie@gmail.com or visit www.footballbowie.com. Secure online registration is available.

OR

Anne Arundel Single Again Catholics (AASAC)
March 10th discussion on "Developing Meaningful Relationships" at 7:00 p.m. in Our Lady of Fields Parish Hall, Room 203-204. Our guest speaker will be Brother Loughlan Sofield. Interested contact Jeanne 410-437-3619.

March 7th Game Night at 7:00 pm in Rooms 203-204 on the second floor of Our Lady of the Fields Church Hall, 1070 Cecil Avenue South, Millersville. This is our regular monthly get together for games and a fun evening with friends. Most "game-nighters" usually bring along a snack or a non-alcoholic drink to share. Interested contact Jeanne 410-437-3619.

AASAC Singles making sandwiches for the poor on March 27th at 7:00 p.m. in the kitchen at Our Lady of the Fields Church in Millersville. Interested contact Patsy 443-799-0608.

Here Kitty Kitty

2008-03-04T07:45:00.003-05:00

Do you have a pet?

I have a cat. I was married to a "no pets" guy and we resisted the two biggies. We (and by "we", I mean "I") did cave in to guinea pigs once. But they were such a mess and smelly too. So I ended up building them a hutch in the garage. Out of sight was out of mind. No one checked on those poor rodents but me. We finally found them a better home and I was relieved. They were too much work.

I read a book called "Simplify Your Life With Kids" by Elaine St. James. The chapter on pets said something like this:
If you want to simplify your life, don't get a pet. If you must get a pet, don't get a dog. Getting a dog is like having a child permanently trapped at age three.
She went on to explain that cats were the least maintenance of pets. I grew up with cats and didn't remember any problems with peeing on the carpets that I am so familiar with now. Maybe that's because it wasn't my carpet.

After the dad left our home, I decided to allow my children to get kittens. We were all gloomy and who wouldn't be cheered by a kitten? We all went together and picked out two fluffy grays. We named them after cartoon villains: Mojo Jojo, and Rocko Socko. Those two felines were very therapeutic for us.

How has being single affected your relationship with or desire for a pet? Do they play a more important role in your life, or are they a bigger nuisance?

Singles on Ice

2008-03-03T14:35:00.004-05:00

We had fun Friday night at our Leap Day Skating event. I'm happy to report that there were no injuries. I even tried the skating, but only went around the ice for one lap due to the discomfort of my new ankle hardware. Mike got the most for his money, skating almost constantly, and with considerable grace.

Mike was awarded his Mystery Barstool prize from February's TJ Elliott's picture. Ava wasn't present, but I still have her award for the Sly Horse Tavern.

Although we had more initial interest, we had a small crowd. That didn't stop us from enjoying ourselves. Next time I just need to give more advanced notice. We'll try it again next winter.

Our next events:
March Madness Mixer on Thursday, March 27 at the Ledo's in Crofton at Eddie's Place.
Suburban Singles Night at the LA Singles Dance - Friday, April 18th
May will feature our Blind Date Contest
June details are in the works for a night at TJ Elliot's

Top Ten Warning Signs of Good Health

2008-02-27T07:59:00.003-05:00

I was thinking about what it is that most people are looking for in a potential romantic partner and I saw this list at a friend's house. I can't determine the original source, but it was a description that I thought you'd like to hear.

Top Ten Warning Signs of Good Health
1. Persistent sense of humor
2. Sense of spiritual involvement
3. Increased appetite for physical activity
4. Persistent presence of support network
5. Tendency to adapt to changing situations
6. Repeated episodes of gratitude and generosity
7. Episodic outbreaks of joyful, happy experiences
8. Tendency to identify and communicate feelings
9. Rapid recovery of stress response systems to repeated challenges
10. Chronic positive expectations and a tendency to frame events in a constructive light.

Isn't that who you'd like to meet - for a friend or a partner: someone healthy?

Blind Dating Fun

2008-02-25T11:44:00.006-05:00

Speaking of the Sly Horse Tavern...
The owner of the elegant and delicious Sly Horse Tavern has made us a lovely offer. He has offered us a dinner for two gift certificate to be used for a blind date that we will cover in the Suburban Singles Scene. Fun, huh?

So we are officially kicking off our first Blind Date Contest for the Suburban Singles Scene. We'll accept applications through April, with the date planned for early May.

Applying means that you are willing to be photographed on the date for the blog and the magazine and that you are willing to share your thoughts in anticipation of the date and shortly after the date. The blind date will be the subject of the June column in the magazine.

Entries will be stored for possible future installments of the contest. Applications will be sorted by subjective review of a panel of yet-to-be chosen matchmakers with margaritas.

If you want to be considered, you need to send an e-mail to me at ann@suburbanscene.net with the following information:
Name & phone number
General physical description: age, race, height, fitness level
(photo attachments welcome but not required)
General education/employment information
Residential history (Where you live now, where you are from originally)
Preferences and deal breakers
What you are hoping for if you win (aside from a delicious dinner and minor local celebrity)
Anything else you want us to know.

In the meantime, anyone want to regale us with a story or tidbit about a blind dating adventure? My parents, who have been married for 47 years, met on a blind date - proof that they can work out great. I never went on a true blind date and I haven't tried the computer services, so I'm low on these stories myself.

Mystery Barstool Contest

2008-02-24T15:56:00.003-05:00

I hope none of you have seen this barstool from this angle. Let's see if Mike is watching the blog on the weekend!

For those of you new to the game, if you can identify the location of this barstool based on the picture, you win a $25 gift certificate to the establishment.

Leap Day Skating

2008-02-14T21:15:00.002-05:00

I don't know if you noticed the sidebar announcement or not, but we are having a skating party. The Piney Orchard Ice Rink in Odenton will give us the group skating rate on Friday, February 29th from 8:10-10pm. Just say you are with the Suburban Scene group when you pay at the door. Admission will be $4.00(regular price $6:50) and the skate rental fee will be $2.50 instead of the regular $3.00. You are welcome to bring your children. I'll have one in tow, straight from a Girl Scout cookie booth in Crofton.

Have you heard about the Leap Year folk traditions? Supposedly dating back to the 13th century, women were permitted to make marriage proposals in Leap Years. Men were required to say yes, or to make recompense with a silk dress or a kiss. Hhmmm. Perhaps a Victoria Secret gift card might be the modern equivalent. They narrowed it down to just Leap Day because I guess things got quickly out of hand when women could choose for themselves. So I guess it is a bit of a Ladies Night.

I've also heard that ice skating is a great place to pick someone up. That someone might be me, splayed on the ice. I have alerted my Aflac agent. Ice skating is great whether you can skate or not: great exercise, great excuse to hold on to someone, great reason to offer someone a hand.

I'm going to start the evening over in the snack bar to welcome our Suburban Scene friends. I'm thinking about distributing a little bit of "flair" for those who do. (Any "Office Space" fans out there?) What do you think about that?

Couples Holidays

2008-02-11T20:02:00.000-05:00

I suppose Valentine's Day is the most extreme holiday for couples. New Year's Eve is right up there. I was never really sure what "Sweetest Day" was, except a Hallmark marketing ploy perhaps.
Are you sick of all the diamond commercials yet? Those really irritate me - making women seem shallow and surprised that a man finally stumbled into Jared to buy the same necklace that you'll see on ten women next week.

Pardon my cynicism...
So are you dreading this holiday and the cheerful strangers asking about your plans? I would like to issue a challenge or sorts to those of us who are un-coupled on the penultimate couples' holiday.

Plan to do something on Valentine's Day that will warm someone else's heart. Maybe it is your mom or grandfather, your neighbor or a coworker. Take them a box of chocolate, fruit basket, or flower. Buy your niece a set of new play-doh and sit down for a sculpting session. Send a round of drinks to a table of friends, or a couple celebrating the day. Just make it something unexpected and kind. Hopefully it won't involve shoveling snow.

The last Valentine's Day of my marriage my husband literally phoned it in. I don't even remember where he said he was at the time. Doesn't really matter now. Since then, I tried to make it a special day for my kids. I cooked dinner, although it was probably still Hamburger Helper, and served it on the fancy plates. I used a table cloth and candles. That was a surprise. It was fun. I hope they remember it.

I do buy myself some chocolate though. It's as good a reason as any for a Whitman's Sampler.

How do age differences affect relationships?

2008-02-05T16:14:00.000-05:00

Interesting responses on the latest poll:
50% say Love is more important that age
and 50% think that challenges await the May-December relationship.

None of the poll respondents think that there is an unfair double-standard for men and women in relationships with a wide age range. There is Harrison Ford with Calista Flockhart and Demi Moore with Ashton Kutcher. It seems to work for the famous and beautiful.

Have you ever been in a relationship with a wide age range - say 15 years or more? I have dated a few men nearing that age gap. Initially, I wasn't bothered by the difference. Perhaps I wanted to prove to myself that age wasn't my main concern. I wasn't necessarily thinking about the long term implications at the first meeting either.

There are some issues of concern when there is a big age gap in a relationship. At the risk of sounding crass, I suspected that, in some cases, I was going to be a major component of their retirement plan. I think financial stability, or instability, is emphasized with a big age gap. Having a plan for your life is attractive, no matter your age.

Health is another concern that is exaggerated by age. For example, I would not prefer to date a smoker, but might consider a wonderful man who smokes. However, I would be more reluctant to date a man in his sixties who had a decades old, pack-a-day habit. It seems like signing up for heartache. I suppose true love could take on that challenge though. There are no guarantees no matter your age or health or finances anyway.

Maybe you are better that I am at ignoring these concerns and living in the moment. I enjoy dancing with older men. They are often wonderful dancers. If you can relax and enjoy each other without worrying about the dating turning into a marriage, then all that matters is the moments you have. Often that is enough.

I check out the personal ads from time to time. There are usually some guys who are only seeking much younger women. While I appreciate their honesty, I am skeptical about those men. Have you ever heard Andy Rooney's bit about why he loves women over 40?

What about the reverse? I have never been approached by a significantly younger man for a serious relationship. I know a few relationships where the husband is 15 years younger than his wife. One is new and seems happy, one has lasted twenty years and seems to have some ups & downs, and one ended in divorce. Those seem to be pretty standard odds for any relationship.

So I guess I would have to say that the longevity of a relationship seems to depend more on love than age. Every relationship has challenges. Age gaps can cause some and alleviate others.

Super Bowl

2008-02-03T12:51:00.000-05:00

What are you guys doing for the big game?

I have had parties in years past - strictly for those who don't love football. We have fun and pay attention to the commercials, sometimes following the game.

This year my son is sick. He's sad to not be able to attend the two or three parties we could have attended. I'm going to watch the game with him. That's cool though. We'll have some bonding time.

How about if you post your reaction to the game or the commercials or the half-time show here? We'll have an e-superbowl party.

Norm!

2008-01-31T09:05:00.000-05:00

Have you ever, or are you currently, a regular at any restaurant, gym, or other place? If you have never been a regular, it might be an interesting social experiment for yourself this year. Although I am a firm believer in trying new things and going new places, it might be a good idea to have a home base place. It doesn't have to be a bar. I'm not necessarily suggesting that we all become like Norm on Cheers. But it sure is nice to have a place "where everybody knows your name."

I remember some regulars from my waitressing days. Twenty years later, however, I remember the weird ones the most: The Oatmeal Man, The Fly, Crazy Charlie.

Having a public home base has it's advantages.
You have a great place to meet up with friends.
You are likely to get special deals or services.
If you keep going long enough, something interesting is bound to happen.
You get to say, "I'll have the usual."

How do you become a regular?
Obviously the first step would be going to that place regularly.
Behaving well, with kindness and good tipping will help the staff remember you.
Not being high maintenance helps too.

Do you have any tips or stories about becoming a regular?
Where are you a regular?

Single in Church

2008-01-29T12:29:00.001-05:00

It is wonderful that so many religious organizations have organized singles ministries because it is often difficult to be single in your worship community. Being single often creates unique needs in your faith community. Effective Singles Ministries address those needs.

Although churches intend to nurture all their members, it is often an emotional strain to see so many families collaborating at church when your marriage just came to its untimely demise due to death or divorce. Often, sympathetic support feels like pity and the pressure to re-marry is poorly timed. Empathetic righteous outrage may feel encouraging or destructive. In many Christian churches, so much emphasis is placed on the spiritual relationship of husbands and wives, that suddenly finding yourself solo can make you feel like a bass gasping on the sand. It seems easier to drop out for a while.

What have your experiences been? How did your faith community help? Did anything happen that you would like to share as a cautionary tale to religious leaders? (We need to walk the line here on being specific enough to be helpful and vague enough to avoid libel.)

Local Singles Group Invitation

2008-01-25T15:22:00.000-05:00

Any Catholic singles reading? Or singles interested in meeting Catholic singles?

Our Lady of the Fields Catholic Church in Millersville has an active singles group called Anne Arundel Single Again Catholics (AASAC). Here are three events they have planned for February, if you want to mark your calendars. If anyone goes to one of these, please let us know how it was.

February 12th at 7pm
Discussion on "Developing Meaningful Relationships"
in Our Lady of Fields Parish Hall, Room 203-204.
Our guest speaker will be Ms. Diane Dixon.
Interested contact Jeanne 410-437-3619.

February 1st at 7:00 pm
AASAC Game Night will be February 1st at 7:00 pm
in Rooms 203-204 on the second floor of Our Lady of the Fields Church Hall, This is our regular monthly get together for games and to enjoy a fun evening with friends. Most "game-nighters" usually bring along a snack or a non-alcoholic drink to share. Interested contact Jeanne 410-437-3619.

February 28th at 7:00 p.m.
AASAC Singles making sandwiches for the poor
in the kitchen at Our Lady of the Fields Church. We need Tuna, chicken, mayo, relish or a box of sandwich bags to make this monthly endeavor a SUCCESS. This is especially helpful if you are unable to come by and make the sandwiches with us. There will be a box available for your contributions under the sink in room 203.
Interested contact Patsy 443-799-0608.

Minor Missions

2008-01-22T22:01:00.000-05:00

I see from our poll that most of our regular bloggers have had some time to adjust to single life. How well we are doing at that varies widely. This probably depends a lot on why you are single and how you define "well".

Do you still feel some pride when you tackle a task that your previous significant other always handled? It could be big, or it could be small. Or when you simply took on a problem that you would usually pass on to someone else - and you did it.

For example, having started out in Plan A as a fairly traditional household, I had never mastered the fine art of grilling. I had hardly ever grilled. I missed it, so I had to learn.

My first attempts drew a candid, "it's not as good as Daddy's." I was determined to do better.
The last time I served steaks, they were hailed as delicious. Another minor mission accomplished.

Next?

Free at Last

2008-01-21T07:38:00.000-05:00

Whether or not you intended to be single at this point in your life, your new status gives you a chance for a "do-over." Once you have recovered from the shock of the change, you can start again. Undoubtedly, you will make mistakes, but will they be the same ones or new mistakes? Some mistakes are too fun to only make once. Some mistakes you don't even realize you have made.

Today this country is celebrating Dr. King's birthday. I can't help but think of how far this country has come in accepting people of other races - and how far we have yet to go. I think it takes a new generation to really bring about change. My children are much more open. I'm glad they go to a racially diverse school. I hope things will improve even more when they are in charge.

Now that you have been handed the opportunity to date again, perhaps decades after the last time you dated, would you consider dating outside of your race? If you have, how did that affect your relationship? I think it would be sad to never consider half the world based solely on skin pigmentation. Inter-racial relationships are quite common and, from my vantage point, they seem to be more accepted than ever before.

What has been your experience?

Mystery Barstool Contest

2008-01-18T16:33:00.002-05:00

Let's see who is watching the clock tick to five on Friday... but first, a story.

I went into my daughter's class this week for career day to discuss the various careers in publishing. For my visual aid I brought in a class set of magazines. The children were bright, attentive, and polite, asking thoughtful questions when given the chance. After I answered half a dozen questions or so, I called on a little girl in the back of the room who was looking at my column.

"What's the Mystery Barstool Contest?" she wanted to know.

Not your typical moment in 4th grade.

So here is the January installment of our Mystery Barstool Contest. For those of you just tuning in, this is a contest for grown-ups (21 & older please.) If you can identify the restaurant that is home to this barstool, you will win a gift certificate to the establishment.

This one should present a challenge.

Tripping the Light Fantastic

2008-01-12T18:06:00.000-05:00

If you were at last Friday’s LA Singles Dance in the Bowie Knights of Columbus Hall and noticed a lot of new faces, that’s because the Suburban Singles Scene joined this renowned dance that has been running every Friday for almost twenty years. We joined singles from the Crofton area and ranging from St. Mary’s and Upper Marlboro, to Columbia and Ellicott City. Changing Focus singles support group also had a big crowd in attendance and another singles group, Bowie Area Singles. Close to three hundred energetic singles were twirling and tripping their fantastic toes around that huge dance floor.

To the inexperienced eye, it appeared that couples were everywhere at this singles dance. But the youngest girl on the dance floor shook her head and shouted over the music, “No, these older guys just really know how to dance!”

Now to her, older probably meant thirty, but whatever their age, she was right about these dancers. Although there were plenty of opportunities for the untrained dancers in the room, there were a few guys who could make anyone look like a pro. A couple of my dancer partners had me twirling like Ginger. What a workout!

Another regular on the dance floor, Irene Herman, kindly recognized my need for dance instruction when it came time for a line dance called “Booty Call.” She showed me the finer points. She was a great teacher, having won a dance contest in November. When I whined that I didn’t have the hip shake down as well as she did, she suggested I wear a swingy skirt to make my shake more dramatic. Sounds like a wonderful reason to go shopping.

LA Singles Founder and president, Stephen Evan, was a delightful host, greeting old and new guests alike, as was Enar Sanders, the Publicity Chairman. They have enjoyed watching the dance grow in popularity and spoke of the contests and theme nights that they plan for the dance. One tradition is a standing moment of respect to listen and sing along to a moving rendition of God Bless America in honor of our men and women in the armed forces.

Mr. Sanders pointed out the recently engaged Jack Staud and Judy Youngblood, who were sitting at the table where they met three years earlier at one of the LA Singles Dances. Friends came up to congratulate them as Mr. Staud said with a sweet grin, “We got engaged at Christmas because I couldn’t wait until Valentine’s Day.”

While the dance floor filled up for the Electric Slide, Mr. Staud, who has been a regular to the dance for over 12 years, explained how he met his fiancée, “She came over and asked me to dance. I’m kind of shy.”

To learn more about LA Singles Dances, visit their website at www.lasinglesbwa.com. To participate in the Suburban Singles Scene, visit us online at our Suburban Singles Blog at www.suburbansingles.blogspot.com, or watch for the singles column in Suburban Scene’s monthly print magazine.

Who can come out to play on Friday night?

2008-01-08T22:21:00.000-05:00

I hope many of you already marked your calendars to come have some fun this Friday night, January 11th at the LA Singles Dance held from 8:30pm -1am. The dance is held in the Knights of Columbus Hall on the northbound side of Route 3 in Bowie, between the Science & Tech Center and route 450.

If you've never been before, there is always a crowd and they are always dancing. The music will be played by a disc jockey, although they sometimes do have live music. There is a $9 entry fee and a cash bar. They do have a no-jeans rule. The music is a range of classic oldies and recent pop hits. A wide age range attends.

I can't guarantee I'm staying until 1am, but the organizers have designated two tables with red & blue tablecloths to help us find each other. I'll be there at the beginning, greeting friends, but later you will likely find me dancing. I have some holiday calories to burn! I hope you all join me on the dance floor.

I've already heard from several who are planning to attend. Please feel free to e-mail me if you have any questions. I know many of you have been to this dance before or are even regulars. So stop over and say hello. Let me introduce you to someone new.

Buckle down and work hard this week so you can come out and play this Friday!
See you there!

February's Column

2008-01-03T10:17:00.000-05:00

I hope everyone survived the joy, heartache, and romance of the holiday season. Are you finding storage space for all your newly acquired property? It's hard to ignore all those piles when you work from home. Anybody ready to tackle healthier choices?

I came back from a lovely holiday to write my next column for the print magazine's February issue: Planning a Local Wedding. Apparently, there are folks around us who are planning on getting married, despite all evidence to the contrary.

I thought: I bet you guys all have good stories to share about the first time you had to attend a wedding after the traumatic ending of a significant relationship.

How was that different or difficult?
Any funny stories, suggestions, or cautionary tales?
Was it different for the divorced, widowed, and never marrieds?
How are those differences similar?

Maybe your comments will be in the Singles Column in the February issue.

(As a side note, I am bumping my planned Single in Church column up another month. It has been difficult to do the necessary research during the holiday season and I want to present more local information.)

Warm Wishes

2007-12-24T23:47:00.000-05:00

My Christmas wish for all of you is that you be touched by love today, this season, this year. Not necessarily romantic love, which is unreliable at best, but a deep, filling Love. It begins with loving yourself.

Everyone makes mistakes. Even so, no matter how many or how bad your mistakes might be, you are worthy of love. Life is so much better with love. Be gentle with yourself today. Celebrate moments of joy at hand.

Merry Christmas
Ann

Holidaze

2007-12-23T21:06:00.000-05:00

I was out with the hordes today, picking up some last minute gifts in the pouring down rain. Rain or no rain, apparently I was not the only one who had to shop today.

Let's date ourselves by describing some memorable gifts we received as children.

My sister and I were delighted with Dawn & Chrissie dolls who had hair you could retract and pull out again for various styles. Of course, when you cut it, that was it.

I made elaborate, housewide orange Hot Wheels race tracks with my brothers.

Nothing was more exciting than the phone my sister and I had installed in our room: blue, push putton, curly cord. Finally! a private phone call!

What do you remember?

What's in your stocking?

2007-12-20T09:06:00.000-05:00

One of the advantages of being single is that you are obligated to buy for yourself for the holidays. I figure I am not only entitled to what my ex would have spent on me, but also what I would have spent on him. That adds up to a pretty nice present. And I don't have to hint around and hope that anyone selects the thing I want the most. If I'm not happy with my Christmas gifts, I only have myself to blame.

This year I've decided to also stuff my own stocking. It's a great stocking too. I can't wait until Christmas morning!

So how are you pampering yourself this holiday season? And if you aren't, or haven't yet, snap out of it! You deserve something wonderful. Indulge in a massage or a pedicure. Sign up for a yoga class. Go ahead and get yourself an iPod and load it up with your favorite music. Take yourself for a long walk in some woods. Make yourself a special dinner. Take charge of your happiness.

Planning Events

2007-12-12T18:37:00.000-05:00

Since I began the singles column & blog for Suburban Scene back in April, the project has taken on a bit of its own direction. I sometimes feel as though I am holding the reins of those Budweiser Clydesdales: steering a wagon of fun, and hoping it doesn't get away from me.

I have had several e-mails and conversations lately with excited participants, suggesting a wide variety of activities for us to consider.

For the year 2008, I am going to try to highlight singles events and activities already going on in the area. I am going to collaborate with some of our advertisers on four unique events this year that are still being determined. I want to make sure we are using all the magazine's and our vendors' resources wisely. So as soon as I have the next big Suburban Singles Scene event on the schedule, I will be sure to announce it.

In the meantime, I am going to highlight events already going on with other local singles groups.

Just today, a friend asked me, "What advice should I give to my single friends who are looking for romance in those on-line dating services?"

Well, I honestly have no experience with those. I have heard mixed reviews. That is a whole area for future investigation and discussion. But I advised her to encourage her friends to change up their routines. Go to new places. Sign up for new classes. Accept an invitation.

If you always do the same thing, you decrease your changes of something new happening.

So in that train of thought, I want to encourage everyone to try the LA Singles Dance at the Knights of Columbus Hall in Bowie one Friday coming up in the next month or so.

Many of you have already been. It can be a lot of fun. There are all ages of singles, and all levels of dancing ability. It is every Friday night from 8:30pm to 1am. December 21st will have a Christmas theme. December 28th will be an early New Year's celebration.

I am going to go on January 11th. I already talked to the coordinator and he will help me get a table near the door to greet everyone coming in from the magazine and blog. It is so much more comforting trying something new when you know you will have someone to sit with and someone to dance with too. It'll be fun - and we'll probably all need to move around on the dance floor by mid January.

I'll post more about it as it gets closer, but mark your calendars.

Is it hot in here?

2007-12-10T22:20:00.000-05:00

Are you all grinning from Mike & Ava's witty repartee in the comment bonanza from the last post?
Whew! That was fun!

When was the last time you got into that kind of fun conversation? Where were you?

Communicating on-line really gives wit room to shine, doesn't it?

Allison's Happy Hour

2007-12-05T17:43:00.000-05:00

I sure hope to see you at tomorrow's Happy Hour at Allison's Restaurant in Crofton between 5 & 7pm. Hopefully the weather will cooperate. They have a delicious menu if any of you decide (as I have) to stay for dinner too. There will be complimentary appetizers, featuring meats from My Butcher and More. And remember, if you order a Lagoon, the first one is on the house.

Mystery Barstool Contest

2007-12-05T17:33:00.000-05:00

Here is the latest installment of our Mystery Barstool Contest. The first commenter who identifies the location of this barstool gets a $25 gift certificate to the establishment.
Are you guys going to let Mike win again?

Singular Bible Study Group

2007-12-04T20:54:00.000-05:00

Last night I attended Mike's Bible study group at Faith Community Church on Reidel Road in Gambrills. Mike even won a gold star for knowing what "Hades" means in Greek. This is the winningest guy I know: barstools and Bible!

This group has a friendly, delicious, 3-tiered support network for their single members and any singles who want to attend. Half the people I spoke to attended other area congregations that did not have a similar Bible study group. Why re-invent the wheel though when other churches are willing to share resources,eh?

At FCC on the first Monday night of the month, you will find a group called Nexus that is for the younger, often never married crowd. They primarily meet for a worship celebration. I peeked in, but couldn't take a picture for you without being disruptive. They had candles lit and the lights down low with their acoustic guitars and drums. Good size crowd though.

On every Monday, the Single Parents & Single Empty Nesters meet for dinner, a brief combined time for announcements and a devotional, and then a two different Bible studies. The studies sometimes focus specifically on a singles' issue, but often is a more classic Bible study. They collaborate on social outings, like their recent trip to see the Rockettes in NYC.

Although the Empty Nesters were primarily women, my attendance in the Single Parents group made the number of men & women even.

Dinner was delicious, and compliments of the church. Child care was provided. The folks in attendance were friendly as could be. So if you are looking for just such a place, you should check this group out!

Do you know of any other houses of worship in the area that have active groups for singles?

Fattening Season

2007-12-01T09:46:00.000-05:00

This is a tough season to maintain healthy food choices and to include exercise in your day. I still have stashes of Halloween candy in various corners of my house, and then we had the pie onslaught of Thanksgiving. So many delectables dive into my grocery cart this time of year that I usually avoid. I even think the "holiday cookie" air freshener in my car is making me gain weight.

Of course maintaining your weight becomes increasingly more challenging as you age. More responsibilities crowd potential exercise time, more exhaustion beckons you to the couch.

I'm not sure which is more fattening: marriage or break-up, depression or happiness, stress or relaxation. I suppose it is different for everyone.

One of the problems of dating at mid-life is that you are dating middle-aged people - well, except for those May-December types. So many factors create our bulging waistlines: injuries, illness, lack of motivation.

Now that you are single again,
do you feel more or less pressure to strive for physical fitness?
How important is physical fitness in your dating choices?
Is marriage fattening?
How does your physical fitness level affect your confidence?

Event Reminder

2007-11-28T20:29:00.000-05:00

I hope you can all come out to our next Suburban Singles Scene event.

On Thursday, December 6th from 5-7pm, Allison's Restaurant is hosting a Free Drink Happy Hour. Owner Jim Hamrock is offering a secret free drink announced on this blog. The first Lagoon is on the house. It's blue, so it will be easy to spot your friends from the blog & the magazine.

Mike Smollen, everyone's favorite butcher, will be contributing some of his fine roasts to the merriment.

I am going to bring the decks of a few games I have, if you want to play a questions game with some of your comrades. I have Tribond, Would You Rather?, Worst Case Scenario, and a Trivial Pursuit.

What's your opinion on board games?

Enchanted

2007-11-25T23:27:00.000-05:00

I saw "Enchanted" over the Thanksgiving weekend, with my kids and a dozen other members of my family. Cute movie - fun for everyone.

It presented the idea that all relationships have an element of fantasy and reality in them. Too much fantasy, and you are really a cartoon. Too much reality and there is no passion, no flair.

What is your experience with the balance of fantasy and reality in your relationships?

For me, I was married to Peter Pan, who, as you might recall, ran away from reality and lived entirely in his own fantasy world, determined not to be a man. Peter Pan can be a lot of fun - so confident and adventurous.

Since then, ironically, I have been better at the fantasy part of the relationship. The reality scares me. It's all fine until it becomes everyday. Then I get the willies. Love at first sight, the fantasy, like Romeo & Juliet, seems easier than the real stuff. How do you move from one to the other?

Tug of War

2007-11-16T12:59:00.000-05:00

I saw an intriguing piece of advice today in the Washington Post. Have you ever seen Carolyn Hax's advice column in the Style section?

Today, Carolyn Hax said,
"There's no tug of war if you drop your end of the rope."

I thought, what rope am I still pulling? How do I put it down?

Thanksgiving Plans

2007-11-15T10:49:00.000-05:00

When you are getting used to being single again, the holidays can be a drag - especially if you don't have your children for the first time. Although traditions can be comforting, they can also be a burden.

Last year was the first Thanksgiving I wasn't going to have my kids and I just didn't feel like cooking a thing. I wanted to do something completely different - and not at my house.

I persuaded the rest of my family to join me for lunch at the relatively new Native American Museum in DC. It wasn't very crowded at all in the morning. The architecture of the building itself is intriguing. The exhibits were fascinating, although they sometimes made me ashamed I was white. The gift shop was alluring. And the cafeteria was fabulous. All the dishes are prepared in indigenous recipes.

That is bison pot roast on my plate, peanut soup, roasted blue potatoes, a field greens salad and some other delectables I can't quite remember a year later.
It was a great way to not mope around and feel sorry for myself.

What are your plans this Thanksgiving?

007 Singles Party

2007-11-13T10:38:00.000-05:00

A huge singles party is planned for this Friday night in Annapolis with a James Bond theme. The party, called "From What's Up? with Love," is the 5th annual singles party hosted by What's Up Annapolis? Magazine. There will be live music & dancing, casino tables, a martini bar, a cigar roller, and psychic readings. There is sure to be hundreds of local singles for you to meet.

Proceeds from the night are supporting The Arc of the Central Chesapeake, an organization that supports people with developmental disabilities.

The party is from 7-11pm at the Loews Annapolis Hotel on 126 West Street in Annapolis.
Tickets are $45.

Let me know if you are going. I can't attend, but I would love to hear some stories about it.

Wine Tasting Fun

2007-11-10T13:25:00.000-05:00

Despite the rainy weather, we had a great turn out at last night's wine tasting at Hops & Vines in the Piney Orchard Plaza in Odenton. It was great to meet some of you for the first time and I enjoyed getting to know some of you better.

I couldn't decide which wine I enjoyed the most, so I picked up one of each. Hops & Vines has wine tastings every Friday night from 4-7 if you missed yesterday's event.

Again, Mike Sweeney was the Mystery Barstool Constest winner, this time picking up a gift certificate to Kaufmann's Sunday Jazz Brunch. I'm hoping more of you will give him some competition next month. I'll try to find a place he doesn't know.

I want to thank all our sponsors:
Hops & Vines
Kaufmann's Restaurant
My Butcher & More
Crofton Fine Art & Frame
The Hair Experience
The Four Seasons Grille
Piney Orchard Florist

Next month, you are invited to have a special drink on the house at Allison's Restaurant in Crofton at their Thursday night Happy Hour from 5-7pm on December 6th. Watch the blog for details about the secret drink.

Until then, I'll "see" you on-line.

Mystery Barstool Contest

2007-11-08T10:21:00.000-05:00

Here it is.
The first one to correctly identify the location of this barstool wins a gift certificate to the establishment.

I hope I can award the winner at tomorrow's wine tasting at Hops & Vines from 5-7 in Piney Orchard Plaza in Odenton.

Dancing & Insight

2007-11-05T21:23:00.001-05:00

I had fun at the Changing Focus Benefit dinner last Saturday night. (You can read about it in the Suburban Scene's e-newsletter. Let me know if you want to be put on that e-mail list.)

I even danced, albeit slowly and hanging on tight. I could not dance to "Brown-Eyed Girl" even if the majority in the polls agreed with me that it was a great get up and dance song.

It was great to see some familiar faces there.

The motivational speaker, Linda Roebuck, led us through an interesting exercise I thought I'd share with you, but you have to be willing to play along. First, you need to find a scrap of paper and number it from one to ten.

Now as she led us through this exercise, we had finished dinner, the lights were low, the cash bar had been hopping. Ms. Roebuck had a peaceful voice and encouraged us to close our eyes. None of that set up is going to work here, so just humor me.

1. Imagine you are on a walk out in nature. Write down who you are walking with.
2. You see an animal. Write down the animal you see.
3. What do you do when you see the animal?
4. You see the house of your dreams on your walk. Describe it briefly.
5. Is there a fence around your yard?
6. When you go in, what do you see on the table?
7. You see a cup on the floor. What it is made out of?
8. What do you do with the cup?
9. There is water on your property. What body of water is it?
10. How do you attempt to cross the water?

OK, now here are the interpretations of your answers:

1. The person you are with is a significant relationship.(ok, that was an easy one.)
2. The size of the animal relates to the size of the problems you are currently facing.
3. What you do with the animal reflects how you deal with those problems.
4. What does the house say about your personal style?
5. A fence indicates you are less open to relationships with others, more closed off. No fence means that you value relationships.
6. What is on the table... I can't quite remember this one, reflects something about yourself. (Flowers, food are good. I saw mail - obligations, communication)
7. What the cup is made out of represents how you feel about loving relationships.
8. What you do with the cup represents how you treat the person you love.
9. The size of the body of water represents your sexual desire.
10. How wet you get represents your involvement in #9.

Anyone want to share a personal insight?

Ladybug! Ladybug...

2007-10-29T18:27:00.000-04:00

Imagine you were one of those folks evacuated in the rampant California wildfires. If you had only minutes to evacuate, what would you grab?

Let's do this like Wheel of Fortune and give everyone the following items:
loved ones & pets
important papers from your files
photos

What else?

Get Up & Dance

2007-10-24T09:02:00.000-04:00

What are you doing Saturday, November 3rd?

Changing Focus is having a 30th Anniversary Benefit Gala from 6pm-10pm in Millersville. There will be a cash bar, catered dinner, motivational and historical speakers, and a DJ & dancing afterwards.

The only catch is that you have to reserve your ticket in advance. There is information on their website under Events. You need to sign up in advance to select your dinner option and reserve a space.

It will be only five days after I finally get this cast off my leg after six weeks, so I'm not sure how fleet-footed I will be on the dance floor. Nevertheless, I am really looking forward to giving it my best shot.

I hope to see some of you there!

Wallets, Pockets, & Purses

2007-10-23T11:36:00.000-04:00

By way of revealing a bit of yourselves, name 5 items currently in your purse, wallet, or pocket.

In my purse, I have...
1. Sharpie Markers for signing my cast
2. an orthodontist appointment card for my daughter
3. an article clipped of the paper about the "rusty crayfish" to show my friend in a local band by the name "The Crayfish"
4. a police officer's card with the case number on it to report my daughter's stolen bicycle
5. "Pink Bamboo" lipstick

Fun Times - Thanks to our Sponsors

2007-10-15T09:36:00.000-04:00

I had such fun Friday night at our Suburban Singles night at Super Suppers in Crofton. Many thanks all around to our guests and our sponsors.

The sample foods provided by Super Suppers were delicious. I personally enjoyed the two braided bread items and it was a great opportunity to stock up my freezer with some dinners.

Our coffee sponsor, the Cosmic Bean, as always was an energizing perk. The wine tasting from Hops & Vines provided some tantalizing considerations too. Fortunate guests were happy to win a pound of coffee, a bottle of wine, and three lucky winners won gift certificates from Supper Supers.

We had some great door prizes from those sponsors plus a few others that were enviable winnings for some of our guests. Crofton Fine Art & Frame donated a $50 gift certificate that was won by our Mystery Barstool Contest winner, Mike Sweeney. Leslie Dolan was the lucky recipient of the leather bag of hair products and gift certificate from the Hair Experience. And Maris won the $50 ticket to the Changing Focus 30th anniversary dinner/dance next month, sure to be a lovely soirée. (More to come on that event.)

Everyone was so kind and helpful with the temporary incapacitation of my cast. So many helpful people out there! I know several guests went on to the dance at the Knights of Columbus Hall. Hopefully next month I can go out after with you all. It was great to meet so many of you.

New Contest

2007-10-10T20:21:00.000-04:00

Ok, so I'm taking Mike up on his suggestion.

Leave your guess in the comments about how many guests will attend our Super Suppers event this Friday (tomorrow!). The person who guesses the closest to our actual number of guests will win one of Mike's overload of winning Mystery Barstool Contest prizes.

We had a great turn out last month at Crofton Fine Art & Frame - about 75 people. We have several of the same sponsors this time. You will be able to enjoy free samples from Super Suppers, or even put together dinners for your own freezer. There will be a free coffee tasting sponsored by the Cosmic Bean and a free wine tasting hosted by Odenton's Hops & Vines.

I will have door prizes from those folks, as well as another goodie bag from Crofton's The Hair Experience, Crofton Fine Art & Frame, and a ticket to a dinner dance hosted by Changing Focus this coming November 3rd. And I still have Four Season's

Supper Supers is on the north bound side of Rte 3 between Moni's and Jaspers. We should have plenty of parking.

I'll check my comments of Friday before I head over to the mixer for the latest guesses of number of attendees. We'll take the count at doorprize time!

I look forward to seeing you all there.
Bon Appetit!

Mystery Barstool Contest

2007-10-10T10:15:00.000-04:00

Can you identify the establishment from this picture? If you are the first one to correctly identify the location of this barstool, you will win a gift certificate. I will happily present it to you at Friday's Super Suppers Mixer, or you can contact me through my e-mail address in my profile and I can mail it to you.

Everyday Flirtations

2007-10-02T10:22:00.000-04:00

Have you noticed my poll questions to the right of your screen?

Mike, our first Mystery Barstool Winner, suggested a singles event in a grocery store. Since I am laid up with my broken leg, I have not begun to shop around for a venue for such an event, but it sounds like a good idea to me. And it got me to thinking about the wonderful opportunities for flirting in a grocery store.

Did you ever see the Steve Martin/Rick Moranis movie, "My Blue Heaven"? Martin's character approaches a woman in frozen foods and says something like...
You better get outta this aisle.
What do you mean?
You are so hot, you could melt all this stuff.

I know, super corny. But maybe we could have corny pick-up lines on the door prize cards.
So what flirtatious comments could you make in a grocery store?

Single Sick Days

2007-09-27T09:08:00.000-04:00

I don't know how someone could get through an extended illness or recuperation from an injury without a big support network. I am blessed to live in my hometown with plenty of family and friends. My church is coordinating dinners twice a week for my family and my neighbors have sent over some food on some of those other days.

But what if I had relocated to a new town and hadn't made a whole lot of friends when I broke my leg? What if I hadn't gotten around to attending a church at all, for whatever reason? Or what if I was just shy or more of a loner who didn't have a big circle of friends? How would I manage?

I know there are several services I could employ. There are errand services and grocery delivery services. I don't know if they would actually put the ice cream in the freezer for me when they arrived, but thy might when they saw how pathetic I looked.

I am reminded more than ever in these days when I have been so dependent on the kindness of others, that what goes around comes around. I have done my share of taking meals to sick friends. Although I wish they didn't have this opportunity to pay me back, I'm sure glad they are.

Social networking, whether it is through a religion, a chorus, a PTA, or business turns out to be somewhat of an insurance policy against hard times.

If you would like to boost your opportunities to make local friends, then you have a chance tonight at the Four Seasons Grill's Happy Hour from 4-7. If you ask for "Joanna's Mango Elixir", your first round is on the house. They are doing that as a favor to all the Suburban Singles Scene fans. If there's a big turn out, maybe they will do it again.

Even if you don't actually drink the mango-vodka treat, use it as a signal. You can see what it looks like and then see who else has one. I've even have an intro line for you. You could say, "Hey did you hear what happened to Ann?" Then you can discuss my sad story and share your own broken bone stories. (I've learned in the past few days that everyone has a broken bone story.)

Let me know if that works for you. Even if you don't meet the love of your life, maybe you'll meet a new friend. Friends are important. You can never have too many.

I won't be able to make it to the happy hour, darn-it, but bottom's up for you.

Free Drink Happy Hour

2007-09-24T15:12:00.000-04:00

I am finally getting back to some work after my injury. Although I don't know if I will be able to make the Happy Hour on Thursday, I wanted to remind you of the wonderful offer the Four Seasons Grill is extending to us.

During their regular happy hours of 4-7pm, the bar at the Four Seasons Grill will give you one free "JoAnna's Mango Elixir". They wanted to create a drink that people wouldn't accidentally order. If they end up making a lot, maybe we can make this a recurring event! I'm not sure of all the ingredients, but mango-flavored vodka is one of them.

So help me spread the word. The first mango elixir is free at Waugh Chapel's Four Season Grill from 4-7 this Thursday, September 27th.

I just don't know if I will be up to coming or not yet. I'll keep you posted.

2007-09-17T08:27:00.000-04:00

Thanks

2007-09-17T08:07:00.000-04:00

I was overwhelmed by the turnout at our first singles event last Friday night. Seventy-five people turned out to sample wines and coffees and appetizers. We all enjoyed the artwork on display and several had fun winning doorprizes.

I was so encouraged to hear your reasons for coming. Several people told me it was their first time out either since the second singlehood began or at least in quite a while. I heard from several people that they appreciated the event being in Eric's lovely gallery instead of a bar or a dance. The samplings and the art made conversation easy.

As usual at singles events, there were more women than men, but there were quite a few men - handsome, well-employed men too! Even if romance didn't bloom, it was great to meet new friends and I saw a few glad reunions.

I was disappointed that MoneyGirl, our second Mystery Barstool Contest winner did not reveal herself. MoneyGirl, you need to click on my profile to get to my e-mail address. If you give me your contact information, I will mail you your gift certificates to the Four Seasons Grille.

I'm sorry for the delay in posting. I had a wonderful adventure planned for Saturday that went horribly wrong. I was chasing catamarans in a motor boat on the West River. Due to a series of minor misjudgments, I fell and broke my leg in three places. I had an excruciating ride back to the marina followed by an ambulance ride to Anne Arundel Med Center. After x-rays, they reset my foot so my toes were pointing in the right direction again, but I am still going to have to go back to have some screw put in.

My family has been waiting on me and I have tried to keep my drug level high. I will keep you posted, but will not be writing as frequently as I'd like to in the next few days. Then I suppose I will have plenty of time for blogging. I broke my right foot, so I won't be driving for a while.

This reminds me that I want to have a conversation about how you deal with injury or illness when you are single. But I'll save that for later.

Thanks to all of you who came out Friday night. It was absolutely wonderful.

After Hours Mixer

2007-09-13T09:40:00.000-04:00

Tomorrow is our big night! Our first event.
You are all invited to the Crofton Fine Art & Frame Gallery at Staples Corner (424 & 450) from 7-9pm to sample wine, custom roasted coffees, carved meats and other appetizers. We have some cool door prizes to award in addition to our Mystery Barstool contest winners.
I am looking forward to meeting you. If we don't have enough time to visit at the mixer, we can head over to Allison's Restaurant for drink specials.

Will I see you there?

Running into Exes

2007-09-10T11:00:00.000-04:00

Have you ever noticed that the worse you look when you run to the grocery store, the more likely you are to run into someone that you once dated or that you were hoping to date?

Speaking of barstools...

2007-09-07T16:39:00.000-04:00

What do you love and hate about bars?
For example, I really like those purse hooks. I also like a rail for your feet so you're not dangling.
I don't think anyone puts out bowls of nuts anymore, do they?

I used to feel grossed out by glasses hanging upside down over ashtrays. It just seems that they collect smoke. But the smoking ban has eliminated this concern in many areas.

Of course, clean bathrooms are always a plus.

Mystery Bar Stool Contest

2007-09-05T20:32:00.000-04:00

Below is a barstool from a local watering hole. The first comment posted that correctly identifies the establishment from this photo will win a gift certificate to that restaurant.
Last month's winner, Mike, will be collecting his prize at the first Suburban Singles Scene Mixer next Friday. (see sidebar for details)

Aren't those purse hooks nice?

Stereotypes

2007-09-02T17:52:00.000-04:00

How do our preconceived ideas about different ages affect our self image as we age?

Honestly, the first time I felt bad about my age was when I turned 26. It was in a different age bracket: 18-25, 26-35. I couldn't round down anymore. I had a new mortgage to pay. I recognized a little ruefully that I wasn't a kid anymore. Well, I felt like one on the inside. My life was growing up around me.

40 was a new beginning. So even though I may have looked like I had just gone through hell, I felt hopeful. What I looked like was the least of my worries.

I still feel like a kid now - just as self-centered and prone to mood swings. But now I'm in this different set of roles at middle age. And my body is beginning to show the wear and tear of more than four decades of use and abuse. I don't know how much
longer my knees will hold out. My eyesight is doing something weird. Then there's just gravity and the constant battle with weight.

I recognize my good fortune that my body has not suffered a calamity in these four+ decades. I have met many strong, smart, sexy women that I want to be like when I grow up - well, at least when I reach their age.
Did you see Nora Ephron's latest book, "I Feel Bad About My Neck"? She cuts right to the truth about how many women feel about themselves.

Do men feel this way? Maybe not about their necks, but worry about how the affects of aging are changing your bodies? It seems that men get off easier in the media. The older man is still hot and he always gets the girl 20 years younger. That scenario isn't necessarily helpful.

I have seen the 15 year age difference in both combos of older husband or older wife. Sometimes they work. Sometimes they don't. So I guess age isn't the factor that matters, since those odds aren't any worse than the general population.

Even so, I still put night cream on my neck.

Another Reason to Avoid Marriage - for women anyway

2007-08-30T09:00:00.000-04:00

A friend of mine sent me a link to an article, backed up by lots of data, stating that boyfriends do more housework them husbands. It also found that wives do more housework that girlfriends.

Interesting.
The article does indicate that in both married an cohabiting couples, women do more housework than men. It is just that in married households, wives do even more.

“Marriage as an institution seems to have a traditionalizing effect on couples—even couples who see men and women as equal,” said co-researcher Shannon Davis, a sociologist at George Mason University in Virginia.

Does this match your experience?

Do you think this is because before marriage men are trying harder to impress, and after marriage women are trying harder to maintain the relationship? Or is it just that people who get married, in general, are more traditional in the first place?

Wine Tasting

2007-08-27T21:55:00.001-04:00

Did I tell you the latest developments in the first Suburban Singles Scene After Hours Mixer at Crofton Fine Art Gallery?

The first event the Suburban Scene Magazine is sponsoring, on Friday September 14th from 7-9pm, just partnered with Hops & Vines in Odenton to add a wine tasting to our gallery event. They will also donate a bottle of wine for a door prize. Plus, I got a really cool leather tote full of Joico hair products and a gift certificate to the Hair Experience in Crofton.

I'm going to post the next mystery barstool contest next week, so keep your eyes pealed. Our first winner, Mike will receive his prize at the gallery event.

So how lucky are you at winning prizes? I haven't won anything since I won the Fleetwood Mac Rumors album at Tasker's teen club in the 7th grade. What was the coolest thing you ever won?

New England Journal of Medicine

2007-08-24T15:12:00.001-04:00

As I prepare for my October column on Senior Singles, I found a gift on the front page of yesterday's Washington Post. Did you see it? Just below the fold the headline read "Elderly Staying Sexually Active."

Surely "senior" is better than "elderly."

The study conducted by the University of Chicago was led by Stacy Tessler Lindau. They conducted face-to-face interviews across the nation with just over 3,000 men & women between the ages of 57 and 85. The article goes on to explain the physical and emotional benefits of an active sex life. Although men reported higher percentages of activity, this was said to be a result of the discrepancy in the longevity of men & women. Simply said, women tend to outlive their partner. The desire was there, but the partner wasn't.

Today's seniors benefit from medical breakthroughs in various aspects of health as well as from open conversations about sex. That's true for all of us really, no matter our age.

I can tell you that from my experience, some of the raciest comments I've heard come from my friends' mothers and my mother's friends. I'm not really surprised by this information. It does give me hope - and it suggests that I should pace myself.

Toejam in my Teeth

2007-08-23T06:09:00.001-04:00

I recently had trouble extracting my foot from my mouth.

My next column, at my editor's request and in keeping with the magazine's theme of "Making the Most of Your Retirement", will be about the ups & downs of dating in your senior years.

Since I'm not getting a whole lot of seniors participating on the blog, I wanted to interview a few so that I was sure to accurately represent the attitudes of local senior singles. So I asked a local businesswoman if she would mind if I asked her a few questions for background.

She said, "OK, but I wonder why I'm included in an article about seniors?"

oh no.
Apparently this is a difficult age to categorize. I was thinking AARP's 55+. She did agree that she was in her mid-fifties. whew! but sheesh!

I once dated a guy who was 56. We went to hear my mother sing in the Senior Chorale. My mother kept inviting my date to join the chorale. awkward. Thanks Mom ;-)

So anyway, I certainly don't mean to offend. What is the politically correct term these days. Do people not like being called Senior?

Come Along With Me, The Best is Yet to Be

2007-08-16T10:06:00.001-04:00

One of the tragedies of losing a spouse, either to divorce or to death, is the loss of your plans for the last quarter of your life. Not only are family holidays disrupted, but your retirement savings can be devastated. Your travel plans are canceled. Your relocation plans disrupted.

I don't know how long it takes to re-align yourself to new plans for aging without a partner. Loss of financial security is often the most stressful concern. It is so important to make yourself a financial plan.

I've been single again for over four years now. I'm finally feeling comfortable with the idea that I don't have to have a husband in my retirement plans.

There is just so much pressure to marry in our society. I think single people make married people uneasy. I know that many people just want to see you happy again, and they think marriage is the key to that happiness. But sometimes I suspect it is more that misery loves company.

I know plenty of married people who aren't enjoying their "golden years" together.

So I guess my question is...
What do you look forward to about retirement as a single person?
How different are your plans as an unmarried person?

I have several friends that I think I would enjoy being a Shuffleboard Queen with in my condo at Boca Del Vista.

Not that I would deny myself a happy marriage, I just don't see it as a requirement of my retirement anymore.

Senior Singles

2007-08-13T11:07:00.000-04:00

In a recent conversation with my friend Peggy, also a single mom, we were marveling at how complex dating has become for us.
"How's your guy's relationship with his ex going?"
"How's your relationship with your ex's new wife?"

It seems to me that dating would be somewhat easier when the children are adults. Our relationships with our exes are ongoing because our children still live at home. So the smoothness of a date's relationship with his ex will be less relevant when the kids are more on their own. Or is this wishful thinking?

I wonder if we have anyone reading who is retired, or at least old enough to be at this stage to share your experiences.

Is dating much different when you are 55+? 75+? How is it easier? What is more difficult?

Mark Your Calendars

2007-08-06T21:46:00.000-04:00

I've been away a while enjoying summer. I hope you've had some adventures too. I wanted to remind you of some upcoming events, contests, and topics.

Friday September 14th we're hosting an After Hours gathering at a lovely art gallery in Crofton: Crofton Fine Art & Frame. Owner Eric Krimmel has been gracious enough to open his doors from 7-9pm so we can meet each other in his intriguing spectrum of artwork.

Not only will there be a variety of conversation topics displayed in the gallery, but there will be some delicious refreshments. One of Eric's neighbors in the plaza at Staples Corner where the gallery is located is Mike Smollen, owner of My Butcher and More. Mike acquires the finest cuts of meat for his customers and is planning to carve up something juicy for us next month. Adding to those is the host of an October event, Super Suppers. Super Suppers will be sending over some tasty treats tho whet our appetites for an event in their kitchens on October 12th. Rob Haroth, owner of The Cosmic Bean, a local coffee roaster, will provide us with a sampling of brews for our consideration.

Isn't it wonderful that all these wonderful business owners want to be so generous?
I'm really looking forward to meeting you there.

As if that weren't enough, on Thursday September 27th, the Four Seasons Grille in Gambrills will be giving a free drink to any our our blog readers who know the name of the special drink. You will have to watch my blog for the name of the drink as the evening gets closer.

I am going to re-start the mystery barstool contest the first week of September. Watch for the picture of a barstool near you. Be the first to identify the establishment by the barstool and will a gift certificate to one of our sponsors.

If you have your calendar out, go ahead and mark October 12th as our Super Suppers night. Meet singles in the area while preparing dinners to make your upcoming week easier. A win-win! more to come on that as it gets closer.

We'll be back on track for our topics on singles soon. Our next will focus on the ups and downs of being single in your retirement. Hopefully some of our senior readers will come out to post on the blog.

Homework Duty

2007-07-25T15:11:00.000-04:00

My oldest child is entering high school this year. She is starting to get into subject matter that I can't so easily help her with. Last year, I had to give myself a few minutes of review time with her textbook before I could help her.

I originally wanted their dad, the non-custodial parent, to help more with homework, but it just hasn't worked out for us. Although he does see them midweek most of the time, it is usually just for dinner or a taxi shift without enough time leftover for homework. There have been times when he has pulled up a chair, but basically, the homework gets done at my house. Sometimes when projects go to his house on the weekend, I either learn Sunday night that it is not finished or that a piece got left at his house, 45 minutes away. Because that is frustrating, I just stopped trying to push it much. If homework gets taken over there, it is because my child wants to work on it there.

I can't help but feel sometimes that he got off easy, but mostly I try to dwell on the positives, like that my children live with me primarily, or that they are pretty good about hitting the books without much nagging.

How do you divide the homework monitoring? There must be infinite ways of dividing the duties. Do you each focus on one child? one subject? certain projects? I'd love to give over the science fair!

Communication Responsibility

2007-07-24T09:40:00.000-04:00

I'm thinking about school again. If you are divorced with children in school, I'd love to hear how you communicate with each other and the school about your children.

E-mail does make it easier. At least one of my kids' schools sent out PTA e-mail updates. They all participate in School Notes to one degree or another, posting upcoming assignments and tests. Plus there are paper newsletters that come home.

I guess my question is, how much responsibility does the non-custodial parent have in setting up these routes of communication? In my experience, the burden of the dad's inclusion rests on me. In a way, this makes sense. I'm filling out all the forms. I'm the first call in case of emergency. The backpacks get unloaded at my house. The homework get done at my house.

But even with all the electronic communication, it is still a challenge for me to keep the events filling my calendar, let alone getting them on his calendar. Inevitably, I get an announcement at the last minute or I forget to pass the information along to their father.

There's got to be a better way. I'm considering establishing a kind of "In Box" for him to check when he stops over to pick up the kids, although this would be jammed full quickly. I could also tell the kids to be sure to invite their dad.

What works for your families?

Kickball - Wow!

2007-07-21T12:43:00.001-04:00

I went to a kickball practice last Saturday and can see why this would be a very fun league to join. The Kickball League of Bowie is an adult league for men & women, not necessarily singles, but a lot of the players are. Players have to be 21 since they are sponsored by Coors and have permits to drink during practices.

"It's like childhood again,"said Bernard Brinkley, who as it turns out went to Bowie High School with me. "I thought it was the craziest thing I ever heard of," Bernard continued. "When I got on the field, it was like 5th grade. It smells like fifth grade," he said of the red rubber ball. "Then you mix in the beer and oh my gosh."

Last spring was the first season for the league starting up in Bowie and drawing players from Crofton, Odenton, Seabrook, & Crownsville. They had 12 teams that played at White Marsh fields on Thursday nights before adjourning to Jaspers, their host bar.

Larry Wachter of Bowie said that his team actually won a game last season. He explained that their lone victory had been a grudge match with a team that required they forfeit for being short on the mandated 4 girls playing. "The donated girls didn't count," Larry explained. In the rematch, Larry's team won 18 to 1. "We definitely need some girls."

Sheila Austin-Holt of Seabrook challenged Larry's claim. "We were the worst team." Although I was told that some teams were serious about winning, none of them seemed to be at this particular practice.

Kurt Hoffman of Crownsville said this was the third kickball league he had played on and the best of them all. "It's run better," he said, alluding to the beer permits. "We have more fun."

Keith Frederick, known affectionately as "Coach K" led a team called the GPA's. I asked, "Is that because you are all smart?"
Keith grinned, "It stands for something else. Use your imagination. It's an adult league."

When I finally got another player to reveal the meaning, I might be able to argue about the use of the work "adult."

So if you are an adult who would like to take a night off of being a grown-up, this is the sport for you. The age range is wide and the serious is balanced with enough silly to make it addictive.

Interesting Pick-Up Lines

2007-07-19T10:04:00.000-04:00

I bet you have some good stories on this topic. I'll share two.

Once, I was at a Mexican restaurant in DC with an organization called "Professional in the City." (No, not that kind of professionals!)

Anyway, the booth in which I was sitting was semi-open on both ends - one end being occupied with a large wooden carving of a horse on his hind legs.

Once eye contact with a man at the bar was established, he walked over, leaned around the horse and asked me, "Would you like a horse's a$$?"
Memorable, and as it turns out, fairly accurate.

On a separate occasion, a hockey-playing New York firefighter was in the same pub as I, enjoying the band and the beverages. He was hoping to extend our time together and wanted to exchange phone numbers. He wrote his number on a $50 bill and gave it to me. He then wrote mine on a $100.

Impressive, huh? Not that it worked. We spoke on the phone once after that, but then, somehow, I lost his number.

Tell me one of your stories.

Tell Me Your Story About...

2007-07-12T21:50:00.000-04:00

...dating with children.

I find myself recently in new territory. I can see, however, that this territory has been worn by many. I also imagine that I am not the only one who might benefit from the sharing of your collective experiences.

So tell me, what would you try to keep in mind when meeting the child of someone you are dating? What balance are you walking, especially if your children meet the one you are dating too?

I guess the odds of that happening increase with age. Perhaps it is strange that I haven't done this before.

So tell all of us your stories. I'm sure you have some helpful advice.

Kickball

2007-07-10T08:23:00.000-04:00

I am going to go to the practice kickball game this Saturday at 4:30 at Crofton Elementary School to check these guys out. I will take pictures and report back. It looks like they have regular local games on Thursdays at 6:30. I'll report back what I learn about the season.

Anyone else wanna come check them out with me? I'm looking forward to it. I don't think I've played kickball in 20 years. I hope it is like riding a bike.

Sharing School Information

2007-07-08T14:23:00.000-04:00

I know that many schools have e-mailed newsletters that are very useful when trying to keep the non-custodial parent informed about school events.

But there always seem to be programs, field trips, and ceremonies that I hear about, or remember, at the last minute. Sometimes I feel irritated to have to be the one responsible for including the other parent. "If I had only known sooner, I could have..." Parenting is never convenient. I know I can't attend everything either, whether or not I have advanced or last-minute notice. I don't want to be blamed for not notifying him about something, but there is so much going on. My plans remain flexible, which can be stressful, but I'm used to the feeling.

So how do you manage the sharing of information about your children's school events? What systems have been useful to you?

Back to School Shopping

2007-07-03T17:50:00.000-04:00

I know summer has just begun, but the next magazine issue will be the Back to School issue. I was wondering how all of you single parents handle the back to school shopping. Are you able to divide and conquer the supplies list with your Ex? Do you have to squeeze it in on the weekends and evenings?

My Ex doesn't live in my same town. Sometimes that is helpful when we can't find things on our shopping list. The last couple of years he has happened to have the kids on the last weekend before school starts. So, by default, he takes them shopping for some list minute items.

My kids get the Gimmes very easy. They have a poor immune system that way. I do try to make sure they have something new for the first day, but it may not be a whole new ensemble. My oldest is starting high school, so I know the first impression will be more significant this year for her.

I kind of like to shop for those special accessories because I remember their importance to me. But I think it is important for both parents to be involved in those preparations. It sends a message that we both care and are involved.

But I am fortunate to have a cooperative Ex.

How do you guys handle the prep?

Single Parent Vacationing

2007-06-29T00:44:00.000-04:00

How do you manage vacations with your children as a single parent?

Although I have on occasion traveled alone with my children, I find it is easier to team up with other adults. Sometimes I have taken another single mom & her child, or another whole family. This summer I accompanied my parents to their hometown, Los Angeles. My children had never met my uncles & cousins out there, not to mention had never scene the Pacific. When I am taking my three kids to a new, crowded place, I really feel the need for another adult.

I suppose if I had ever managed to maintain a relationship, I could take my beau, but so far, I have found parents and girlfriends to be less complicated. Given the chance to vacation a beau with my children or without, I usually choose without. Romance and parenting don't usually work out together very well. Those are different vacations.

My parents will still love us all at the grouchy end of a long tourist day.

Here I am flirting with a tall Californian on vacation at Universal Studios this summer.

Bowie Kickball League

2007-06-21T22:35:00.000-04:00

As a wonderful benefit of this unbelievably cool job I have, I am hearing of more local fun things to do. I wish I had time to explore them all as soon as I'd like to.

For example...
Tonight I was invited to attend the post-season party for the Bowie Kickball League at Jaspers in Crofton. Although this is not a league exclusive to singles, it sure looks like a great way to meet some fun people. You should check out their website. Watch the little news clip.

Anyway, they've just finished up for the season, but will start again, looks like next spring. Hopefully one of their guys will hop on our comments and give us some more info.

I sounds like the perfect athletic organization for me. You don't have to be young, just young at heart. Kickball is, to quote the guy in the clip, "the most, like, unathletic sport you can play." They have a beer sponsor and a local restaurant host.

The clip is from the Baltimore league, but they are starting up a new league for those of us in the suburbs. It looks like it might be a spring only season. If that's right, then I'll just have to bring all of this up again in the spring. Maybe we can put together a team of bloggers.

So, back to my opening comments, I couldn't attend the party tonight. Sorry guys! I'm sure it was fun. You will definitely be hearing more about these folks.

Solo Sickness

2007-06-20T11:37:00.000-04:00

How do you single parents deal with it when you are sick? I am lucky enough to have friends and family to assist with my kids, although I still have some taxi-ing to do. My kids try to be helpful, but they just aren't bothered by the unattended tasks around the house. As things stack up, I just want to stay in bed longer. I try to avoid the really good medicine until after my last taxi shift. Sometimes, I guess we all just have to miss some things.

Dancing

2007-06-19T13:56:00.001-04:00

I did go to the LA Singles dance last Friday. The place was packed. We barely found a parking space. If you like to dance, this is a great venue. The dj frequently announced official dances that obviously many people knew: the John Paul, the El Paso, even one called Booty Call. It felt a little like the dance unit of my gym class in junior high, but all grown up, with a cash bar & disco ball. I didn't know any of those dances and wondered how so many other people knew them. I'm going to have to take lessons somewhere I guess. There were always people on the dance floor.

Semantics

2007-06-12T14:23:00.000-04:00

I was recently discussing sematics with a commrade in singlehood and wanted to pass the debate along.

Is it Meet Market or Meat Market?

We were discussing the merits of this dance. Maybe some folks are nervous about events labled for singles. There are regulars. Someone else might identify you as a newbie on the scene.

But so what, is my question. I think it is good to put yourself in different situations. To quote Christine Lavin, "There's a very fine line between a groove and a rut."

So if you are feeling a bit in a rut, or if you are looking for a possible new groove, then maybe I'll see you Friday at the dance.

Dance Next Friday, June 15

2007-06-09T12:18:00.000-04:00

Who wants to go to the LA Singles dance at the Bowie Knights of Columbus Hall next Friday?

The dance starts at 8:30, but I probably can't get there until 9 or 9:30. They do have a no jeans rule and I think there is a cover charge, but it's reasonable. There is a cash bar too.

I'm going to go. I'd love to meet some of you all there. I was thinking it would be fun to have a way to identify ourselves. Since you've seen my picture, and I haven't seen you, if you recognize me, flash me a peace sign.

It will be fun to meet each other!

Making Connections

2007-06-06T23:11:00.000-04:00

I had a wonderful time covering a Crofton Chamber of Commerce mixer tonight for the magazine. I hadn't been to one of their mixers before. It was at Eric Krimmel's Crofton Fine Art & Frame gallery at Staples Corner (450&424).

It was my pleasure to meet a woman who has been reading the blog without posting comments. She said she felt like she already knew me from reading. We decided to meet for coffee soon to let me have the chance to get to know her and hear her stories.

I know many of you might feel you are too busy or too private to log on for comments, but I know you also have valuable insight to add to the conversation. We would all benefit from your shared experience. So remember that you can be very anonymous if you would like. Or, you could use the profile to reveal some intriguing bits of your personality.

Anyway, Eric is hosting a mixer for the Suburban Single Scene in September, on the 14th from 7-9pm. Supper Supers will be providing some delicious appetizers and The Cosmic Bean will be sponsoring a coffee tasting. It would be so nice to meet some more of my local readers and commenters.

The nice thing about the gallery as a location for the mixer is that all the interesting artwork on display creates an easy conversation opportunity when meeting new friends.

So mark it on your calendar. Watch for more information as it unfolds.

Dinner for One

2007-06-05T09:41:00.001-04:00

What do you cook when you are eating at home alone?
Because my life is usually bustling with my kids' activities, work, friends & family, if I get the chance to have a meal home alone, I often have a bowl or cereal. I have also found that popcorn is nice with a bottle of Cabernet.

But there is something very healthy about actually cooking food just for yourself. I confess I haven't done that in a while, but aren't you worth your own effort?

If I do really cook for myself, I will most likely fix pasta with a variety of veggies and cheese. If I have chicken, or some other leftover meat, I might add that. I like spicy food too, so I grind some red pepper on top.

If you treat yourself with your own culinary skills, what do you have?

Helpful Books

2007-05-31T19:21:00.000-04:00

What books were helpful to you when you were becoming single again? I know that I couldn't read very much for a while. Suddenly, all the novels I had been reading seemed irrelevant. I dropped out of my book club. I just couldn't hang out with all my married friends and discuss literature anymore.

I had no idea how to get divorced, particularly without ruining my kids which was my foremost concern. I had not talked to many people yet about the demise of my marriage, but needed some direction. The Good Divorce by Constance Ahrons served as a survival guide in those first few months. Ahrons introduced me to the term "binuclear family" as an option to "broken home." Divorce, Ahrons explains, doesn't end your family, it redefines it.

Although not related to divorce or grief recovery, the first book that I read in a year was a collection of humorous essays by an Arizona writer named Laurie Notaro. Her first book, the Idiot Girl's Action Adventure Guide had me laughing so hard tears were rolling down my face. She helped me break the ice on my reading freeze.

Again, not a divorce recovery book, but Anne Lamott's Plan B was also inspiring and relieving. Her newest book, Grace Eventually, is a great example of how to view the accumulation of all your bad decisions and good intentions.

What have you read that was helpful?

Church Singles

2007-05-29T17:01:00.000-04:00

Do any of you go to a church that has a good singles support group?

My church has tried to start one, but in a way it's like re-inventing the wheel. There are already some good groups out there.

So ours has just become an e-mail list that goes out every now and then. It seems that church groups oftne have more women than men. I wonder if that has to do with custody arrangements.

Holiday Weekend Fun

2007-05-27T18:07:00.001-04:00

What have you all been doing this Memorial Day? My neighbor's family is in town for Rolling Thunder in DC. That reminds me that tonight would be an excellent night for people watching downtown. I'm heading out.

I had a few invitations to cook-outs and picnics. A member of Changing Focus was having one that sounded fun. Did anyone go? How was it? I wish I could go to them all!

I helped march with my sister's Abrakadoodle float in the town parade. Even though it was sweaty hot, I'm glad the warm weather is finally here!

I did get down to Annapolis for a lovely date on the Schooner Woodwind. Have you guys ever tried that? It was the perfect weather for a sunset sail. I even got to crank the winch on the main mast for the heaviest sail. And we met the lead singer from South Africa's "Peace Train" which made for interesting conversation.

What are some fun date destinations near you?

First Mystery Bar Stool

2007-05-25T00:30:00.001-04:00

I went back to Changing Focus in Crofton again tonight. I was disappointed that I had to go significantly late because of my daughter's concert. Her concert was delightful, but it sounds like I missed a lot of a good conversation.

Not to worry though, I was able to continue the conversation with about 25 really cool and interesting local men and women at a nearby dining establishment.

Do you recognize the restaurant based on the photo below of one of their bar stools?

Facial Hair

2007-05-21T21:58:00.000-04:00

Ladies -
What's your preference: moustache or no? beard or no?

In a standard deck of cards, the King of Hearts is the only king with no moustache. Hhmmm, is a smooth shave universally accepted for better kissing?

But if I were a man, I bet I would hate to shave every day.

I prefer a smooth shave, although a moustache can be fine if it is soft. The newly trimmed moustache can be treacherous. I've never kissed anyone with a twirly waxed moustache, but I'm not putting on my list of things to try before I die either.

Appearance vs Reality

2007-05-17T12:49:00.000-04:00

During the first year of my second singlehood, many well-meaning friends tried to encourage me by describing how strong I was for surviving this storm. Usually I just accepted the comment as it was intended, but inside I had a comeback.

What choice did I have? Was just moving and breathing the same as being strong? I hadn't wanted to be strong in this way. I was barely hanging on to functionality. My parental duties kept me moving, even if it was haltingly.

Now that more time has passed, people say that less often. Most days now I do feel stronger than when I was married. I know all the right things to say to reassure those concerned that I am fine. I emphasize all the reasons I'm glad to be single. Single is preferable to a bad marriage to be sure. Mostly I believe myself.

So people think I'm strong. But many days, more often many nights, I don't feel strong at all. I wish my life had gone along with my hopes and plans. Sometimes I wish it were all different.

Do you know what I mean?

Where to Spill

2007-05-12T20:56:00.000-04:00

I had a helpful reminder today that not everyone I meet wants an update on the latest details about my divorce or last relationship. At the slightest nudge, a contractor working in my house spilled his guts to me about his current sad state of affairs.

Poor guy. This big manly man was heartbroken and couldn't think of much else. While I was listening and listening I found myself wondering, did I ask?

I was trying to be patient because I remember that stage. It sucks. But I don't know that guy and the whole bus stop hecticness was going on at my house. He just sucked my neighbors into the conversation: two other single moms. We had a hard time cutting him off. We had to let him wind down on his own.

It is great to have a place where you can safely spill when you're overflowing. I had a friend or two I could call anytime. Some available in person. Some available on-line. I try to pay that favor forward by listening.

Spill here. If I haven't been there, someone else in this conversation has. It helps just to spill.

But you probably shouldn't do it to your customers.
Who did you spill on?
Did you ever catch yourself going on and on too much?