Interesting responses on the latest poll:
50% say Love is more important that age
and 50% think that challenges await the May-December relationship.
None of the poll respondents think that there is an unfair double-standard for men and women in relationships with a wide age range. There is Harrison Ford with Calista Flockhart and Demi Moore with Ashton Kutcher. It seems to work for the famous and beautiful.
Have you ever been in a relationship with a wide age range - say 15 years or more? I have dated a few men nearing that age gap. Initially, I wasn't bothered by the difference. Perhaps I wanted to prove to myself that age wasn't my main concern. I wasn't necessarily thinking about the long term implications at the first meeting either.
There are some issues of concern when there is a big age gap in a relationship. At the risk of sounding crass, I suspected that, in some cases, I was going to be a major component of their retirement plan. I think financial stability, or instability, is emphasized with a big age gap. Having a plan for your life is attractive, no matter your age.
Health is another concern that is exaggerated by age. For example, I would not prefer to date a smoker, but might consider a wonderful man who smokes. However, I would be more reluctant to date a man in his sixties who had a decades old, pack-a-day habit. It seems like signing up for heartache. I suppose true love could take on that challenge though. There are no guarantees no matter your age or health or finances anyway.
Maybe you are better that I am at ignoring these concerns and living in the moment. I enjoy dancing with older men. They are often wonderful dancers. If you can relax and enjoy each other without worrying about the dating turning into a marriage, then all that matters is the moments you have. Often that is enough.
I check out the personal ads from time to time. There are usually some guys who are only seeking much younger women. While I appreciate their honesty, I am skeptical about those men. Have you ever heard Andy Rooney's bit about why he loves women over 40?
What about the reverse? I have never been approached by a significantly younger man for a serious relationship. I know a few relationships where the husband is 15 years younger than his wife. One is new and seems happy, one has lasted twenty years and seems to have some ups & downs, and one ended in divorce. Those seem to be pretty standard odds for any relationship.
So I guess I would have to say that the longevity of a relationship seems to depend more on love than age. Every relationship has challenges. Age gaps can cause some and alleviate others.
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10 comments:
AM,
I have had things go both ways for me where I was the younger and the senior. Of course now that I am older, I prefer younger but 15 years younger is still realistic anything more than that I'm probably setting myself up for a coronary.
When I was 22 I did have a girlfriend who was 39. It did not seem to bother her for at least the first year. When she hit 40 I think she realized I had too much life still in me and would become restless. Its funny though I still feel young and restless and now I am in my upper 40's but I bet no woman in her 20's would be interested in me ( unless of course she sees those $ signs in her eyes ).
OK
What do you 20, 30 and 40 year old women think about a well preserved and physically fit male (avg wt) 6'1" in his late 40's. No mid-life crisis either ? ( I will admit to thinning hair but I am not bald or going bald )
Answer:
My coworkers set the tone for me, I would say something like "Remember that MASH episode where..." and one would answer.. "I was 5 when that was on!". I have preferred dating people closer to my age who "get me". I feel young for my age.. but I think dating someone 15 years younger than me would just keep reminding me that I am OLD! ;-)
Seems like too young and there would be too much training involved.
Well....if I dated someone that was 15 years younger or more than me; then I would have to do all the driving since he probably wouldn't have a driver's license. :)
In my last relationship, he was 10 years my senior He maintained the same level of maturity throughout the relationship, however I didn't. Over the course of six years...we definitely grew apart. I had grown a tremendous amount since meeting when I was in my mid twenties.
Now my younger sister has dated a man twenty years her senior and she was in her early twenties at the time. After meeting him last week, I see exactly what she saw him......he reminds me of our father. Nice guy...but he's old enough to be her dad!
Hey Money Girl,
You have definitely given me much hope. I am very much a nice gentleman and I do hear that some gals actually prefer to date someone who has the personality and /or character their father. Psychologically, I still think I have to draw the line at 30. If I were to date someone in their 20's
I think I would be too self conscious about it, having nightmares about rolling eyes always looking at me. MARCEC has made some very good points too about disconnects for too wide of an age gap.
AM,
You make a good point too. But if you get them while they are still young AND IMPRESSIONABLE then you can train them over to your liking and way of thinking. (provided you exude influence/confidence)
Once too old though, people become very much set in their ways.
The 22 - 39 situation had worked for me because the older woman and I had many common interests when we had met through the Balt Ski Club many moons ago. It was much akin to the Ashton Kutcher - Demi Moore relationship.
Back in my 20's I got involved with someone 19 years older... we had some wonderful times, but I would not have considered having children with him. The idea of having teenagers with him in his 60s was too much to bear.
Now that I am beyond child-bearing age (at least in my opinion) it might not matter as much. As you say, there are no guarantees of health or longevity, regardless of age difference.
OK, Its time to liven things up a bit with the May - December relationship
May December
Long Hair Longing for hair
KEG EKG
acid rock acid reflux
Rolling Stones kidney stones
disco Costco
whatever ? Depends
a BMW a BM
go to hip joint get a hip joint
Greatful Dead Dr. Kevorkian
floppy disc slipped disc
screw system upgrade system
passing exams passing
Good to talk with you at the Sly Horse. This is a great site.
Book Club Sharon and Bill
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