Creating your own space

When you are single, your home is yours to decorate however you like. Are you living in a home you once shared with your spouse? How do you make it yours? Do you have to have a hodge-podge of salvaged furniture from when you moved out? Are you still using lawn furniture indoors?

Sometimes moving into singlehood means leaving a lot of your possessions behind. Your domestic budget may have just been reduced by half or more. So how do you take back your space?

I still live in the home I shared with the Ex. Because of the kids and the market, I have decided to stay where I am, but I needed to make the space mine. Some decorations had to come down right away. I repainted my bedroom and the kitchen. I was happy to lose the pennants in the basement. (Although he never displayed them in his new home either.) I invested in my first piece of original artwork, a portrait on wood by Darrell Ezekiel. I didn't have to ask for anyone's approval but myself. This piece spoke to me on a few levels. It was a small step to claiming my home for myself.

What Should We Talk About?

What are some topics relevant to living single that you would like to discuss in this blog?

Some that I am considering are...

• adjusting your financial plans
• managing the household as the only adult
• setting boundaries with the opposite sex
• relationships with former in-laws
• dating again
• dating in front of your children
• great support groups and counselors
• fun brief outings for weeknight visitation with the kids
• dealing with your grown children's emotions
• the worst pick up lines you've actually heard
• unusual places to meet new people
• health & fitness

Are there any topics you don't want to cover?

Advantages of the Single Life

Let's start with some of the positives. What are some of the advantages of being single? No matter what has brought you to living single, what do you enjoy about it?

This may be different for men and women, but let's try not to bash. Sterotypes are just stereotypes. My Ex, for example, was not the stereotypical male. He was very neat. I was Oscar and he was Felix.

I'll start.

I'm glad I don't have to consult another adult about where I want to vacation or with whom, or what color I want to paint a room. Post divorce I did a little remodeling. I could just pick the things I wanted, no restrictions. That was cool.

I like having the whole closet to myself. In fact, I tore out the shelves myself and put in new ones where I wanted them. That turned out to be a bigger project than I meant it to be, but no one was irritated with me but myself. That was enough!

What about you?

Without the Benefit of Marriage

My friend Peggy and I were talking about a phrase we heard our mothers use regarding people who were not married, but living together. They said the couple was living "without the benfit of marriage."

We wondered - what benefit?

We are single because of divorce. Our previous marriage experiences make us skeptical of the institution. I'm not sure if it is a venture I would undertake again in my life. There are a host of advantages to living single. My attitude toward marriage is more of a reflection on my experience.

But what if I had never been married?
What if I was single due to the death of a spouse whom I loved very much?

What has been your experience being a single person and how do you think it affects your attitude toward marriage?

For the stage of life you are in right now, which benefits you more: living single or getting married?