Homework Duty

My oldest child is entering high school this year. She is starting to get into subject matter that I can't so easily help her with. Last year, I had to give myself a few minutes of review time with her textbook before I could help her.

I originally wanted their dad, the non-custodial parent, to help more with homework, but it just hasn't worked out for us. Although he does see them midweek most of the time, it is usually just for dinner or a taxi shift without enough time leftover for homework. There have been times when he has pulled up a chair, but basically, the homework gets done at my house. Sometimes when projects go to his house on the weekend, I either learn Sunday night that it is not finished or that a piece got left at his house, 45 minutes away. Because that is frustrating, I just stopped trying to push it much. If homework gets taken over there, it is because my child wants to work on it there.

I can't help but feel sometimes that he got off easy, but mostly I try to dwell on the positives, like that my children live with me primarily, or that they are pretty good about hitting the books without much nagging.

How do you divide the homework monitoring? There must be infinite ways of dividing the duties. Do you each focus on one child? one subject? certain projects? I'd love to give over the science fair!

Communication Responsibility

I'm thinking about school again. If you are divorced with children in school, I'd love to hear how you communicate with each other and the school about your children.

E-mail does make it easier. At least one of my kids' schools sent out PTA e-mail updates. They all participate in School Notes to one degree or another, posting upcoming assignments and tests. Plus there are paper newsletters that come home.

I guess my question is, how much responsibility does the non-custodial parent have in setting up these routes of communication? In my experience, the burden of the dad's inclusion rests on me. In a way, this makes sense. I'm filling out all the forms. I'm the first call in case of emergency. The backpacks get unloaded at my house. The homework get done at my house.

But even with all the electronic communication, it is still a challenge for me to keep the events filling my calendar, let alone getting them on his calendar. Inevitably, I get an announcement at the last minute or I forget to pass the information along to their father.

There's got to be a better way. I'm considering establishing a kind of "In Box" for him to check when he stops over to pick up the kids, although this would be jammed full quickly. I could also tell the kids to be sure to invite their dad.

What works for your families?

Kickball - Wow!

I went to a kickball practice last Saturday and can see why this would be a very fun league to join. The Kickball League of Bowie is an adult league for men & women, not necessarily singles, but a lot of the players are. Players have to be 21 since they are sponsored by Coors and have permits to drink during practices.




"It's like childhood again,"said Bernard Brinkley, who as it turns out went to Bowie High School with me. "I thought it was the craziest thing I ever heard of," Bernard continued. "When I got on the field, it was like 5th grade. It smells like fifth grade," he said of the red rubber ball. "Then you mix in the beer and oh my gosh."






Last spring was the first season for the league starting up in Bowie and drawing players from Crofton, Odenton, Seabrook, & Crownsville. They had 12 teams that played at White Marsh fields on Thursday nights before adjourning to Jaspers, their host bar.

Larry Wachter of Bowie said that his team actually won a game last season. He explained that their lone victory had been a grudge match with a team that required they forfeit for being short on the mandated 4 girls playing. "The donated girls didn't count," Larry explained. In the rematch, Larry's team won 18 to 1. "We definitely need some girls."

Sheila Austin-Holt of Seabrook challenged Larry's claim. "We were the worst team." Although I was told that some teams were serious about winning, none of them seemed to be at this particular practice.

Kurt Hoffman of Crownsville said this was the third kickball league he had played on and the best of them all. "It's run better," he said, alluding to the beer permits. "We have more fun."

Keith Frederick, known affectionately as "Coach K" led a team called the GPA's. I asked, "Is that because you are all smart?"
Keith grinned, "It stands for something else. Use your imagination. It's an adult league."

When I finally got another player to reveal the meaning, I might be able to argue about the use of the work "adult."

So if you are an adult who would like to take a night off of being a grown-up, this is the sport for you. The age range is wide and the serious is balanced with enough silly to make it addictive.

Interesting Pick-Up Lines

I bet you have some good stories on this topic. I'll share two.

Once, I was at a Mexican restaurant in DC with an organization called "Professional in the City." (No, not that kind of professionals!)

Anyway, the booth in which I was sitting was semi-open on both ends - one end being occupied with a large wooden carving of a horse on his hind legs.

Once eye contact with a man at the bar was established, he walked over, leaned around the horse and asked me, "Would you like a horse's a$$?"
Memorable, and as it turns out, fairly accurate.


On a separate occasion, a hockey-playing New York firefighter was in the same pub as I, enjoying the band and the beverages. He was hoping to extend our time together and wanted to exchange phone numbers. He wrote his number on a $50 bill and gave it to me. He then wrote mine on a $100.

Impressive, huh? Not that it worked. We spoke on the phone once after that, but then, somehow, I lost his number.


Tell me one of your stories.

Tell Me Your Story About...

...dating with children.

I find myself recently in new territory. I can see, however, that this territory has been worn by many. I also imagine that I am not the only one who might benefit from the sharing of your collective experiences.

So tell me, what would you try to keep in mind when meeting the child of someone you are dating? What balance are you walking, especially if your children meet the one you are dating too?

I guess the odds of that happening increase with age. Perhaps it is strange that I haven't done this before.

So tell all of us your stories. I'm sure you have some helpful advice.

Kickball

I am going to go to the practice kickball game this Saturday at 4:30 at Crofton Elementary School to check these guys out. I will take pictures and report back. It looks like they have regular local games on Thursdays at 6:30. I'll report back what I learn about the season.

Anyone else wanna come check them out with me? I'm looking forward to it. I don't think I've played kickball in 20 years. I hope it is like riding a bike.

Sharing School Information

I know that many schools have e-mailed newsletters that are very useful when trying to keep the non-custodial parent informed about school events.

But there always seem to be programs, field trips, and ceremonies that I hear about, or remember, at the last minute. Sometimes I feel irritated to have to be the one responsible for including the other parent. "If I had only known sooner, I could have..." Parenting is never convenient. I know I can't attend everything either, whether or not I have advanced or last-minute notice. I don't want to be blamed for not notifying him about something, but there is so much going on. My plans remain flexible, which can be stressful, but I'm used to the feeling.

So how do you manage the sharing of information about your children's school events? What systems have been useful to you?

Back to School Shopping

I know summer has just begun, but the next magazine issue will be the Back to School issue. I was wondering how all of you single parents handle the back to school shopping. Are you able to divide and conquer the supplies list with your Ex? Do you have to squeeze it in on the weekends and evenings?

My Ex doesn't live in my same town. Sometimes that is helpful when we can't find things on our shopping list. The last couple of years he has happened to have the kids on the last weekend before school starts. So, by default, he takes them shopping for some list minute items.

My kids get the Gimmes very easy. They have a poor immune system that way. I do try to make sure they have something new for the first day, but it may not be a whole new ensemble. My oldest is starting high school, so I know the first impression will be more significant this year for her.

I kind of like to shop for those special accessories because I remember their importance to me. But I think it is important for both parents to be involved in those preparations. It sends a message that we both care and are involved.

But I am fortunate to have a cooperative Ex.

How do you guys handle the prep?